Do you sometimes feel as if you are living
your life to please others? Do you give other people the benefit of the doubt but
second-guess yourself? Do you struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, lack of
confidence, emotional emptiness, or eating disorders? In your intimate relationships, have you found it
difficult to get close without losing your sense of self?
If so, you may be among 15 million adults in the United
States who were raised with unhealthy parental control. Too much or the wrong kinds of
control in childhood can cause lasting problems in adulthood, and these connections are
often subtle and hard to spot. If you have problems or habits that stubbornly resist
change, they may be symptoms of unresolved issues with a controlling parent or upbringing.
In this groundbreaking book, accomplished family
therapist Dr. Dan Neuharth offers a self-test to help you identify whether you are facing
problems in adulthood caused by unhealthy control in childhood. You will understand both
how and why your parents may have overcontrolled you and find dozens of practical
suggestions that can help you solve your problems at the very root.
eight styles of controlling parenting: Smothering, Depriving, Perfectionistic,
Cultlike, Chaotic, Using, Abusing and Childlike
controlling families use "truth abuse" to cement unhealthy loyalties that last
for years -- and how to gain autonomy
How overcontrol of your eating, dress, privacy, social life, speech, and feelings in
childhood may still hamper you in adult life
reasons why people control in unhealthy ways -- and how recognizing these reasons can help
you cope with controlling mates, friends, family members or work
This book will enable you to quiet your "inner critics," bring more balance to
your moods and relationships, increase your optimism and assertiveness, and achieve
greater autonomy. It offers a variety of ways to deal with stressful family holidays,
parents who still control, and parental aging and mortality. It will help you to make
peace with your past and break the cycle of control so you can avoid overcontrolling your
own children and other loved ones.
Based on extensive interviews and research and packed
with thought-provoking insights, If You Had Controlling Parents also includes
engaging profiles of a richly diverse group of adults who grew up overcontrolled. These
inspiring examples of how others have come to grips with the detrimental consequences of
early control will provide you with a road map for accelerating your own growth and
healing. If you have felt driven to pursue your parents' values and dreams ahead of your
own, this compassionate book explains that no one is to blame and reminds you that
unhealthy control is a generations-old cycle that can stop with you.