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Home Signs of Overcontrol Health vs. Overcontrol Controlling Styles Statistics Ideas & Help Control Hollywood-style Resources and Links About the Book About the Author Site Map




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Do you sometimes feel as if you are living your life to please others? Do you give other people the benefit of the doubt but second-guess yourself? Do you struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, lack of confidence, emotional emptiness, or eating disorders? In your intimate relationships, have you found it difficult to get close without losing your sense of self?

If so, you may be among 15 million adults in the United States who were raised with unhealthy parental control. Too much or the wrong kinds of control in childhood can cause lasting problems in adulthood, and these connections are often subtle and hard to spot. If you have problems or habits that stubbornly resist change, they may be symptoms of unresolved issues with a controlling parent or upbringing.

In this groundbreaking book, accomplished family therapist Dr. Dan Neuharth offers a self-test to help you identify whether you are facing problems in adulthood caused by unhealthy control in childhood. You will understand both how and why your parents may have overcontrolled you and find dozens of practical suggestions that can help you solve your problems at the very root.

You'll discover:

WB01157_1.GIF (194 bytes) The eight styles of controlling parenting:  Smothering, Depriving, Perfectionistic, Cultlike, Chaotic, Using, Abusing and Childlike

WB01157_1.GIF (194 bytes) How controlling families use "truth abuse" to cement unhealthy loyalties that last for years -- and how to gain autonomy

WB01157_1.GIF (194 bytes) How overcontrol of your eating, dress, privacy, social life, speech, and feelings in childhood may still hamper you in adult life

WB01157_1.GIF (194 bytes) Fifty reasons why people control in unhealthy ways -- and how recognizing these reasons can help you cope with controlling mates, friends, family members or work associates


This book will enable you to quiet your "inner critics," bring more balance to your moods and relationships, increase your optimism and assertiveness, and achieve greater autonomy. It offers a variety of ways to deal with stressful family holidays, parents who still control, and parental aging and mortality. It will help you to make peace with your past and break the cycle of control so you can avoid overcontrolling your own children and other loved ones.

Based on extensive interviews and research and packed with thought-provoking insights, If You Had Controlling Parents also includes engaging profiles of a richly diverse group of adults who grew up overcontrolled. These inspiring examples of how others have come to grips with the detrimental consequences of early control will provide you with a road map for accelerating your own growth and healing. If you have felt driven to pursue your parents' values and dreams ahead of your own, this compassionate book explains that no one is to blame and reminds you that unhealthy control is a generations-old cycle that can stop with you.

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This site is designed for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy or a visit to a mental health professional. If you are experiencing abnormal anxiety, depression, or serious emotional or situational difficulties, please seek professional help immediately. Click here for suggestions on finding a therapist

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If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Take Your Place in the World
Published by HarperCollins Publishers

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Copyright Dan Neuharth, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.